Extreme Parenting:  Vacation Edition

I used to think vacation was a fun, carefree thing, and I never understood why my dad would get so stressed and grumpy about traveling.  Now that I have my own kids?  I know the truth:  vacationing with kids is an extreme sport.  I guess that makes the hubby and I adrenaline junkies.

Last weekend, we took our first vacation alone with two kiddos.  We decided to make it a quick weekend trip to Austin, which is only a 3.5 hour drive and has lots of fun activities for families.  So, by 8 am on Saturday, the Dunn family was loaded in the minivan and on the road.  All went well, until we arrived at our hotel at noon.  By that point, Thing 2 was screaming inconsolably, and I took her out of her carseat to find that she’d had a lovely road trip poo, complete with leakage.  Unfortunately, our room was not available yet, and when I took her into the public bathroom, I discovered that there was, in fact, no changing table. Luckily, Tom, the nice man at the front desk, let us borrow a vacant room to get her cleaned up.

Our trip went swimmingly from there, until Sunday morning.  We went down for a delicious continental breakfast, and Thing 1 decided to gift everyone by yelling lovely things like, “Mommy has poop in her pants!” the whole meal.  I proved that it is, in fact, possible to scarf food at record speed with your head tucked down in mortification.  Thing 1 then proclaimed that he didn’t like vacation and wanted to go home.  Because we thought it would be really cool, we stopped at the Armed Forces Museum to check out the airplanes and tanks.  Unfortunately, Thing 1 decided to be suddenly terrified of the equipment in the museum.  So, we opted to leave and head home.  Before I put Thing 2 in the car, I realized that she had pooped.  She and I went back to the museum bathroom, only to discover that there was no changing table (seriously, people?).  That was a fun diaper change…

After a failed attempt to find the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf we’d seen on the way into town, which involved driving in circles around the mall parking lot and getting dropped off for an emergency bathroom break (even though Thing 1 insisted at the museum that he did not need to go and, in fact, WOULD NOT go…), we gave up and headed home.  About half way there, the hubby looked at me and asked if I smelled anything.  I replied that I thought it was livestock or something.  Thing 1 chose that moment to announce, “Sister has POOP!”  Awesome!  She’s a freaking pooping machine.  The hubby pulled into a McDonalds and said he’d change her diaper and get us a tea for the road.  He opened the car door, and all I heard was, “Oh.”  Followed by, “There’s poop everywhere.”  Indeed, there was.

Seriously, guys.  This vacation was THE SHIT.  I can’t wait to do it again…

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