ABC’s of Life (According to My 4 Year Old…)

Four years ago today, we welcomed the force of nature that is Thing 1.  He has given us joy and laughter…and driven us to drink.  My little whirlwind never stops moving, never stops questioning and, despite all the frustrations and trials, never stops making me smile.  In honor of his 4th birthday, I give you: The ABC’s of Life (well…our lives, anyway).
A is for airplane–a verb.  Ex:  “Papa, airplane me into bed!”  We can’t just climb in.  Oh no, that’s far too ordinary.

B is for “bloonies” and books.  Thanks to Jake and the Neverland Pirates, any and all coins of any and all sizes are now doubloones or, if you’re Thing 1, “bloonies”.  Also, books.  This child will not sit still for anything…unless you’re reading a book with him.  Then, he can be still for hours.  That’s my little bookworm!

C is for crafting, i.e., parentally sanctioned destruction involving tape and scissors.

D is for dragon.  Thanks Dreamworks.  My home is now the target of an infestation, and castles are not castles–they are Berks.

E is for extra play time–what started out as moving bedtime back 15 minutes as a reward for good behavior so he could have “boy play time” with his Papa.  Now?  From the moment he wakes up, he wants to know if he is earning extra play time.  Ex:  “If I eat this toast instead of throwing it at my sister, am I earning extra play time?”

F  is for farm.  Because he loves to visit his grandparents on the farm.  Anytime we pass a cow, a horse, or a random bale of hay:  “Are we at the FARM!!!???”.  Thanks, Mom and Dad for instilling a deep love of playing in the dirt.

G is for Gronckle Butt and grumpy.  Gronckle Butt because, refer to letter D.  Grumpy because, when you’re four and don’t get what you want, you become supremely unhappy.  And, if you’re Thing 1 and not screaming, you are likely to express those feelings by crossing your arms over your chest, sticking out your bottom lip, and flouncing into a chair saying, “Fine then!  I’m just going to sit over here and be grumpy!”

H is for help.  Because, despite the desire to be big and do it on your own, when you’re 4, there’s this overpowering frustration that leads you to scream, “Help!  I CANNOT DO THIS!”.  Shh…don’t tell anyone you haven’t actually attempted it.

I is for “I got you on that one!”, the signature phrase for trickery and mischief.

J is for “Just being silly”, the signature phrase for covering up a lie.  Ex:  “I know I said I didn’t put the skirt on the dog, but I was just being silly.”

K is for klepto.  Seriously, the kid stashes things away like a squirrel preparing for winter.

L is for lasso.  If it’s a string, a ribbon, a belt, or anything else remotely resembling said items, you WILL be asked to slipknot both ends so that he can “lasso” things together.  And then you usually trip over said lassoed items and are subject to the wrath of a four year old whose toy you have just demolished with your oafishness (read: normal walking).

M is for maneuver.  A favorite word describing any type of odd movement.  “Sister, WHAT was THAT maneuver?!”

N is for nudie.  Kid likes to be naked.  Pants are evil.  He may or may not run through the house naked, slapping his chest and yelling, “Nudie boy, nudie boy!”.  I don’t know.

O is for oils.  Kid also loves his essential oils.  Any time anybody gets hurt or doesn’t feel well, they need oils.  He even applies them to his stuffed animals.

P is for Papa.  His best friend.

Q is for questions.  Ex:  “Mama, why is the rabbit a rabbit?”  I don’t even…

R is for “remember”.  Because, apparently, he thinks Mama and Papa have brains like sieves and can’t remember things we are told for more than 30 seconds. Ex: “And REMEMBER, Mama:  I want 3 ice cubes in my water.”

S is for skippies.  My husband called underpants “skivvies” one time.  Ethan pronounced it “skippies”.  And they’ve been skippies ever since.  Ex:  “Sister, stop wearing my skippies on your head!”

T is for tablet.  He’d read books, watch movies, and play games on his Kindle all day if we’d let him.  Which we don’t, of course.  Because we follow all the AAP rules to the T….But seriously, don’t attack on this one.  He gets 30 minutes.

U is for umbrella.  And you pray that it doesn’t rain, lest you get stabbed in the back of the head while driving when he manages to reach the umbrella you thought was out of reach and opens it despite being told (repeatedly) that we don’t open umbrellas in the car.  I used to love rainy days.  Then I had kids.

V is for velocity.  As in, this kid never loses any.  He goes full tilt from the minute his eyes open until he passes out mid-sentence at night.  We’re currently working with NASA to try to figure out how to harness that energy.

W is for why.  See also, Q.  “Why is the rabbit a rabbit?”

X is for xylophone.  Because I have a tireless 4 year old and my brain couldn’t come up with anything else, other than x-ray, and that’s way overdone.

Y is for yarn.  A dangerous supply.  See L.

Z is for zebra–an aquatic creature who eats dragons.

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